Setting Sun
by Bobbie23
Summary: Follow up to Into the Sun. The need for closure is more powerful than the need to preserve.


**Author Note – A follow up to** _ **Into the Sun,**_ **there might be another after this too** _ **.**_ **A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed, you're all awesome. Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer – I don't own, just borrowing.**

Setting Sun

You watch your youngest run around the back yard dribbling the soccer ball as your oldest son stands in front of the goal that used to be his. Eli's friends went home over an hour ago but he's still got a ton of energy and you hope he'll be ready to drop come bed time with all the running around he's done today.

Your ex is nowhere to be seen and you suspect he's looking at the leaking garage roof you mentioned when he first got here. Even after moving out nearly three years ago, he still considers it his responsibility to check these things for you. Turning away from the window you sigh. You promised yourself you wouldn't tell him. You're tempted, just to see how he will react. But then you know how he will react. Maybe you just want proof that you're right about this.

It's not your intention to meddle, nothing could be further from the truth. You're terrified what this information could do to the relatively relaxed routine you've developed as a family since Elliot retired. But you're too curious for your own good. You know what to expect, you wish you didn't.

The sun is lowering over the horizon and it casts a dusky orange hue over your kitchen. Your daughters are due soon and unlike with the men in your family it'll be harder to hide your sullen mood. Well, not harder, they're more likely to call you on it than your ex-husband or your sons. They will see through anything lie you think of and call you on that too. Then you will have to tell them about seeing Olivia in the park. You don't want them to encourage you to tell their father. You don't want them to tell him before you do.

You haven't been able to stop thinking about Olivia's face as she looked around the park for Elliot, a perfect blend of hope and apprehension. Now, you realise the guilt was there too. It wasn't always there, in the first years of their partnership you got along well with Olivia and she was able to make eye contact without looking contrite. There was a time when you called her a friend. That was until Elliot started to spend more time at work than home, became less inclined to talk about his day when he finally walked through the front door. He had always been reluctant but it seemed more poignant to you and you began to associate it with Olivia because she went through what he did. Maybe it was because she was a woman and maybe it was because his previous partner's solution to on the job stress was downing glass after glass of beer and because Elliot didn't come home reeking of booze you assumed he was opening up to Olivia rather than you.

Seeing the guilt in her expression this afternoon reminded you of that once ever present jealousy and you couldn't help but feel it again. It had festered away as you drove back over the bridge. You can admit it now, however reluctantly. You even admitted it to Elliot in those last months of your marriage, after you both admitted you were done, when both of you did a lot of soul searching and you were finally honest with each other that your second chance had failed and you only did it out of a sense of responsibility to your unborn child. In turn Elliot admitted he had held Olivia at arm's length and was just as reluctant to talk to her as you, if not more so because he was scared it would tempt him to cross their final boundaries. He was scared he would lose her if he did.

 _"Nothing ever happened."_

He promised you that day, and because of the look in his eye you finally believed him. You had nodded silently because he looked so broken, his voice catching as he continued.

 _"And I still lost her."_

Even though you suspected as much, it still hurt to hear. He had looked so lost when he said that and it had been the last thing you had said to each other that day. Weeks later you signed the divorce papers without anger or doubt, your only regret that your second chance stopped them from having one.

He doesn't talk about her since the divorce, he's never kept tabs on her either.

He misses her too much.

Checking on the chicken in the oven you close your eyes. You have no idea why you're letting this get to you. Being confronted with the sight of Olivia and her son has stirred up a lot of unresolved feelings you have about Elliot's, and your, abrupt exit from her life. Without her, you had no one else to blame for the distance between you and your husband. It didn't take that long to realise, but you stuck it out during the IAB investigation and the emotional aftermath as you tried to convince yourself the tension would disappear once the NYPD was out of your life.

In your head you can see how Elliot will react if you tell him. The pause in his entire being as he mulls over your words. The quick squaring of his shoulders as he puffs out his chest as he pretends it doesn't bother him. Then slow tightening of his jaw as the stubbornness kicks in, his eyes setting angrily as he resists the urge to see her, trying to convince himself it's better this way. For all of them.

You don't want to see Elliot torturing himself more than he already does. You just want everyone to move on however they need to. You know it won't be easy, it never could be with them. He may never have said anything about Olivia and children but you _know_ he won't be able to resist seeing her if he finds out she has a child. That little boy with big blue eyes. It was bittersweet seeing them, him looking at her the way your sons look at you. You have no idea what you would've said, if anything at all. She wouldn't have turned you away, no matter how strained it would have been. It would have been too difficult explaining it to Eli and you couldn't ask him to keep it from Elliot.

Turning away from the oven you yelp as you see Elliot standing in the door way watching you with concern. After taking a second to collect yourself, you move quickly to the other side of the kitchen while avoiding his probing gaze. You look over the counter to find something to busy yourself with, anything to duck his questions. Your eyes settle on the chopping board and the knife but you don't trust yourself with a knife right now, you're shaking too much.

Behind you, Elliot steps into the room with measured, loud steps while clearing his throat. And you suddenly feel like he's coddling you, preparing you. "You okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, why'd you ask?" You say twisting your head in his direction without making eye contact.

You know he doesn't buy it and you hope he's not about to slip into interrogation mode. Slim chance, but you hope nonetheless. You step back over to the sink and rinse your hands.

"You seem upset."

Sometimes you hate the new, open Elliot. "I'm not upset." You're not, you're musing.

"Then what is it?"

Finally, you face him and look him in the eye. His face is open and unsuspecting. He isn't even considering the coincidence which befell you this afternoon. You shouldn't tell him but the words tumble out anyway.

"I saw Olivia."


End file.
